Journey2Fitness

My Lifelong Ambition #1

Goal setting has never been a problem for me. Goal reaching, now - that frequently has me stymied.

Weight goals, fitness goals, strength goals, measurement goals, staying under The Number That Must Not Be Named (TNTMNBN) - those aren't working for me.

Is it a problem of scale? Grander goals are more inspiring. So here's a grander goal. A lifelong ambition.

#1 Never be featured creature on http://peopleofwalmart.com

In order to achieve this goal, it's best for me never to actually go to a Walmart. Just to be safe.

Battling Emotional Eating

The topic for Weight Watchers last week was "Emotional Eating." I make progress with it, but it's a continual struggle, and after all these years I'm resigned to having to watch myself for signs of stress. It's an issue to manage, rather than conquer, I fear. Leader Paula shared this poem with us at our meeting last Saturday. I just love it, and need to remember it. Anyone know the provenance? Would love to give proper credit. What Food Can and Cannot Do Food can fill our stomachs. It cannot fill our souls. Food can nourish our bodies. It cannot nourish our hearts and minds. Food can make our taste buds happy. It cannot make us happy. Food can give momentary pleasure. It cannot give lasting pleasure. Food can distract us from our pain. It cannot take away our pain. Food serves a purpose. It does not give us purpose. Food can be controlled. It does not control us. The issue I've been dealing with this week is overwork. I'm grateful that in a down economy I'm blessed with "too much work," but with that, and the cold, slimy rain this week, I'm down with a cold and feeling very low energy. The temptation to grab a quick energy boost from sugar and carbs is strong. The temptation to "baby myself" with comfort foods is strong. But here I am, flexing my tiny little willpower muscle, to refocus again, again, again on what I want long-term, rather than short-term. Health. Self-respect. Being around for my husband, and my son, for a long damn time. Keep up the good fight, sisters and brothers! Please share other inspirational bits as you find them.

Book: YOU on a Diet

I saw this in the neighborhood Barnes & Noble and bought a copy. It's the same old messages, nothing really new. Here's what it recommends:

1. Walk for 30 minutes every day.
2. Do 30 minutes of weight training each week.
3. Do 60 minutes of additional, higher intensity cardio each week.
4. Take a stretch break for 5 minutes each day - preferably after the walk.
5. Eat more fiber and cut out the saturated and trans fats and enriched flours and sugars ("white stuff").
6. Eat 3 meals plus snacks daily, and eat one of the healthier desserts in the book only every other day.
7. Eat basically the same thing for breakfast and lunch each day (not one I subscribe to).
8. Get 7-8 hours of sleep each night. Peri- or post-menopause and anxiety be damned, eh?
9. Have sex at least semi-regularly. I personally translate this to a combination of love and stress reduction; ymmv.
10. Drink lots of water - the one thing that comes easily and naturally for me.

    So of course we've heard this advice before; I need to hear it periodically restated in a way that gets my attention. The format of this book is approachable and attractive as well. Check out the amazon reviews.

2006 and Weight Watchers Core Plan

With another New Year looming, I'm trying to refocus myself on eating healthfully, and once again, Weight Watchers Core plan comes up #1 on my to-do list.

I've been paying dues to Weight Watchers for way longer than most, I suspect. In my 5-year try this round, I've had ample opportunity to see how others approach the weight loss effort. Most people lose fairly rapidly initially, then find the "lifestyle" too much effort to sustain over the long haul, and quit. Some are more dedicated, and after the initial honeymoon, settle in to a steady 1 pound a week loss, and get to goal, get their lifetime membership. I've known several who've gotten to goal, only to drift away a few months afterward, and start the slow but steady climb back up the scale.

Me, I decided long ago that I would never quit Weight Watchers - they'd have to fire me. If my membership was based on performance, I definitely would have been canned long ago. I don't get to goal, but I stay within a certain range, and keep away from The Number That Must Not Be Named (for me, 200 pounds).

I credit Weight Watchers with convincing me that eating healthfully is a lifestyle, not a temporary thing. I've proven this to myself over and over again. I accept the fact that my weight and health are actually a pretty straightforward equation - I eat high-calorie foods, more than I need to feel satisfied, and I gain weight. Eating more fresh fruits and vegetables and less sugar, starch and fat helps me lose weight. Exercise helps me feel better and lose weight.

I do best when I establish a routine and stick with it. I thrive when I set a goal and work to reach it over time.

That Darned Oprah

I have a confession. I really, really, really tried hard not to like Oprah. I subscribed to Rosie O'Donnell's "Rosie" magazine instead of O. I tried not to watch Oprah's show. I studiously avoided reading anything chosen for her stinking reading group, even though I noted and secretly approved the selections.

Fat Actress - My She-Ro

You know that feeling when you see yourself in a video or photo, caught off-guard from an unflattering angle? That Oh My God, Who Is That Fat Woman feeling? That I Had No Idea I'd Let Myself Go That Far feeling?

Now imagine how much worse that would feel if you were an actress, and it was your JOB to appear attractive. With me so far?

Now imagine having been a former sex kitten, A-list type star, and knowing you're at risk for becoming the laughingstock of Hollywood, home of "Appearance is Everything" people who have POWER over your career and your identity. The Enquirer is running pictures of your fat self and people are jeering openly.

Still with me? Liz Taylor, you say. Yeah, but imagine you're still young, and you haven't got the "Dick Burton broke my heart" excuse up your sleeve.

Take that feeling, add an amazing intellect, sense of humor, and monumental courage, and you've got the show Fat Actress.

This past weekend, my dear friend Julie played several episodes of Fat Actress for me. What an amazing show! If you're really serious about confronting the issues of weight and how women and appearance are valued in this culture, I recommend you make an opportunity.

Kirstie Alley. The sexy Vulcan on the Star Trek movie. The surprisingly vulnerable comic actress on Cheers. The Look Who's Talking co-star with Travolta. That's her. She's gotten fat lately. Pretty fat. I'd say at least a size 20. This isn't one of those Bridget Jones type of weight gains. This is "I'm coping with my emotional pain by eating twinkies" type of weight gain.

Kirstie has apparently been fearing, been told (or both) that she's too fat and unattractive to star in a sitcom. Instead of taking her fat self into hiding, crying about it, and making more trips to the drive-thru, she's made her plight into an opportunity for self-expression, growth and awareness.

Kirstie Alley plays herself, writes and produces the show. It's a tongue-in-cheek semi-reality show format. Two co-stars are a makeup artist and a personal assistant who are with her at almost all times, both excellent ensemble players in their own right.

The story lines are delightfully absurd. Her agent calls to say her only viable offer is a Jenny Craig sponsorship. Her brother recommends doing crack to lose weight. She gets arrested in a raid on gays doing pickup in the park. She hires midgets to surround her, talking to them in a "small" voice in order to lose weight.

Remember Blossom? From a long-ago kid sitcom. She's Kirstie's next-door neighbor, and plays herself - Mayim Bialik. Other stars - John Travolta, Kid Rock, play really fun cameos. Wallace Shawn plays a crackpot diet doctor, Connie Stevens plays Kirstie's mother.

It's hilarious, in the way that the old Lucille Ball shows were hilarious. We're laughing AT Kirstie and we're laughing WITH her. And she is us.

But she's also gorgeous. In between butt-closeups and ridiculous outfits, she's dancing in flowing silks, strutting in plus-size lingerie, really, truly sexy. That was just as much of an eye-opener for me as her ability to poke fun at her plight. Can fat be beautiful? Watch and see. It has so much to do with what we're TOLD is attractive. Nothing is clear, here, and it fills me with questions.

The way the show careens from slapstick, big-butt comedy to aching self-criticism is mind boggling, and hauntingly familiar to those of us who struggle with weight. It's sometimes painful to watch, in the way Lucille Ball made me squirm, but this hits closer to home, my deepest anxieties and issues, so the effect is amplified.

The courage that it takes for an A-list actress to bend over and show her big butt directly to the camera? I can't even fathom it. The fact that she is writing the script, so obviously able to laugh at herself, is completely extraordinary.

There is a whole raft of clips and info on the Showtime site:

http://www.sho.com/site/fatactress/home.do

This show is enough to make me sign up, and I HATE paying for television. I'm pre-ordering the Series One DVD right now. It's got language and sex, so be warned. I'm sure it's not everyone's cup of tea - but it sure is challenging, and I love that.

Little Red Hen Syndrome

As a freelance writer/web person, business lags over the holidays as people with regular jobs (those that pay me, bless 'em) tend to take time off. It's great, time for me and the family.

But come January 5 or so, suddenly the sum total of human knowledge is due Friday by noon. Which stresses me out. Which causes me to turn to eating, if I'm not careful.

Intellectually, I know that I can either limit my projects to my own capacity, or enlist the help of other talented professionals, and grow my business. But then I get stuck in Little Red Hen syndrome.

Do you remember the story of The Little Red Hen? She wanted some bread - hey, I can relate to that one! I sometimes think Bread is my all-time favorite food, then I remember what a great vehicle it is for Butter. I wonder if the person who invented croissants was buried in a piano crate?

She's a thinker and a planner, our Hen. She is able to reverse-engineer the Bread concept and figure out that she needs wood for the oven and water and salt, plus the flour. And the flour requires her to plant, harvest, thresh and grind wheat. Not a simple undertaking.

This Hen, she's no fool. She has sales skills. She sells the idea of hot, fresh bread to her friends, the duck, the goose, the cat, the pig, the dog. But do they help? Noooo. Sure, they're all about having hot, fresh bread, but when she asks specifically for their help with one or the other of the tasks involved, they've got a million and one excuses, and absolutely no ambition, no work ethic. No *vision.*

And her answer isn't, "Well, I guess I'll just eat the wheat kernels; they're better for me, anyway. Heck, no! This Hen wants Bread, dadgumit! So she says, "I'll do it myself."

You know how it comes out, right? The Hen ends up doing all the work, and when the hot, fresh bread is wafting its yeasty odor through the barnyard, her lazy barnyard pals come a'runnin'. And the Hen, resentful and smug, tells them where to get off, and eats all the bread herself.

When my parents read me this story, the moral was presented as self-evident. If you want something worthwhile, you've got to WORK for it. Freeloaders are Evil, Bad and Wrong. The Hen is Virtuous and Rewarded. This little tale encapsulated the work ethic my fourth-generation Texan parents were anxious for me to absorb.

If you've read Ishmael by Dan Quinn, you may remember his harsher moral, that he says underlies all of Western culture: Those who don't work, don't get fed. Sinister.

It belatedly occurs to me, I have lived the freakin' Little Red Hen story. I have worked hard - too hard - for too long, and I ate my bread *all by myself.* I became an unhappy, resentful, martyred Hen, fattened on Bread I shouldn't have been eating, smug from proving others Evil, Bad and Wrong, but unhappy at the distance this put between me and my friends and family.

So this time around, I'm going to keep looking for people to help me make Bread. Be open to making other, healthier things, and be aware when I'm no longer hungry.

Hey, and I can always pull out the sales skills when I've got extra hot, fresh bread, right? It's called "markup," dear Hen. If those lazy barnyard animals can't afford it, there's a wide world out there.

Well, that's all for now. I've got dirt to scratch and eggs to lay :)

Motivational Tuneage

My husband bought me a little MP3 player for Christmas. It's the perfect one for me, holds 6 hours of music, is upgradable to hold more, comes with a little elastic band that I think is meant for my upper arm. I say "meant for" because with effort, I can place the elastic band on my upper arm, but it cuts off my circulation, which I'm pretty sure wasn't in the designer's mind.

At any rate, it's really easy to load up with tracks from CDs I've "ripped." Although I'm a longtime fan of Apple and its well-designed products, I'm glad Greg didn't spring for an iPod; I'd already ripped several CDs onto my Dell, using Windows Media Player and the little RCA Lyra player reads those just fine.

I have a secret fetish for 70s pop music, acquired when I was a child. We're talking the Monkees, The Turtles' Happy Together, The Who, Elton John, Cat Stevens. Also anything the Beatles, together or separately, ever created; I'd probably buy recordings of them breathing, if they become available.

I mix this up with the occasional later tune - the Shrek soundtrack has some great stuff on it, including the double-bonus "I'm a Believer" by Smash Mouth, a remake of a Monkees tune, an Indigo Girls cut like "Let It Be Me" or "Galileo" and I'm grinning through my walk or bike ride.

Any new trick, new wrinkle I can add to the workout routine keeps the Capricious Goddess happy. My next step will be to make mood-related Capricious Goddess playlists. For example:

• CG: PMS Time must be soothing stuff like Enya and Loreena McKennitt, with the occasional angry Alanis Morrisette - and of course Elton John singing "The Bitch is Back."

• CG: All Things Are Possible will include "Let It Be Me" from Indigo Girls (a very inspiring track, if you've not heard it) and k.d. lang's "Miss Chatelaine" which I believe refers to a Canadian magazine similar to Redbook, "I'm a Believer" (I'm digging Smash Mouth's version lately).

• CG: Seventies Reverie will have "My Generation" by the Who, "Happy Together" by the Turtles and so forth. Maybe some Moody Blues, some Derek and the Dominoes.
  

Suggestions for other CG playlists are welcome - what ideas do you have?

Capricious Goddess Eating Plan

I went off the Core Program over the Thanksgiving holiday - I'll bet many of you can relate. I didn't do too badly, but my best-laid plans - have turkey and green beans, pumpkin surprise (Thanks, Edna!) and such, went by the wayside in the face of the cornbread dressing I still believe I must have. Then a glass of wine, then...well, let's just say it went downhill from there.

And I noticed my moods swinging wildly as I indulged in the carbs again. Which caused more splurging, more "well, I'll start again tomorrow" and then "tomorrow" and then...

But amid the mood swinging, I had another idea. The Capricious Goddess Eating Plan.

Here's the deal. When my moods swing wildly, so does the atmosphere in our home. My dear husband and dear son bear the brunt. You know that saying, "When Mama's not happy, ain't nobody happy"? That applies to us. When even I can hear my own angry, blaming, whiny, screeching voice ringing in my ears, it's BAD. I feel out of control; I act out of control.

Enter the Capricious Goddess Eating Plan. I subdivided my psyche into two parts, that empower and take care of each other. Here's how it works.

The Capricious Goddess is beautiful, all-powerful, well-meaning, but self-indulgent and erratic. When she smiles, her world smiles with her and her world is filled with happiness and sunshine and productivity. When she's unhappy, or depressed, or angry - it's time to duck and run for cover.

The Capricious Goddess loves food, and categorically refuses to eat anything that's not:

• tasty,
• top quality, and
• attractively presented.

When the Capricious Goddess is in a bad mood, she's unfortunately prone to reach for high-calorie, high-carb snacks. Her villagers call these Uh-Ohs. Uh-Ohs make her happy in the short-term, but as you and I know, can cause an energy crash later on that leaves her ferocious. The villagers suffer, and if that weren't bad enough, the Capricious Goddess, if left untended, will self-medicate with even more Uh-Ohs. Another problem: These Uh-Ohs, over time, have made her fat, which has made her sluggish, guilty and unhappy.

A terrible vicious cycle. The poor world lives trembling in fear of the Capricious Goddess!

Luckily, the Capricious Goddess is served by an enlightened Wise Counselor whose job it is to serve, care for, feed and guide the Capricious Goddess. (This is the other part of my brain. Mine's a man; I couldn't resist creating a fantasy personal manservant.) The Wise Counselor selects foods for the Capricious Goddess (CG) and makes sure she always has good foods at hand, leaving no chance for her to become hungry and demand the bad stuff that causes so much suffering. The Wise Counselor:

• Keeps plenty of top quality, wholesome, natural foods to ensure the CG's health and long life. For example, a bowl of plump, dewy seedless grapes is attractively displayed in a priceless bowl, ready to her hand or securely ziplocked and tucked into her expensive handbag when she's out mingling with the commoners.
• Includes protein, especially in the first meal of the day, to prevent the CG from getting hungry and insisting on Uh-Ohs.
• Plans menus a week in advance, and stands ready to swap any meal within the week to serve the changing whims of the CG. For example, she may decide to dine out, or entertain, or may simply be unwilling to wait for the preparation of a more elaborate meal.
• Schedules the CG into one of her favorite sports or other physical activities at least once a day. He's cagey about this one - it can't look too much like work, or an obligation. But he never lets her off the hook, ever. Lack of physical activity leaves her grumpy and susceptible to reaching for Uh-Ohs. When necessary, he reminds her how good she will look and feel, and that she's always glad she's done it, after the fact.

Of course, sometimes despite all this preparation, the CG becomes anxious, fearful, angry or depressed. Or rebellious. At such times, she peremptorily demands Uh-Ohs. What's a Wise Counselor to do?

First line of defense: Temptation Strategy. The Wise Counselor offers the Capricious Goddess a tasty snack or snacks (attractively displayed, served with much obsequious bowing and scraping) to head off the tantrum. Fat-free, sugar-free butterscotch pudding and lovely, sliced Honeycrisp Apples. Fresh, piping hot, salty-crunchy, 94% fat-free popcorn.

Sometimes even those don't work, or they do for awhile, but then we hear the CG roaring for Uh-Ohs! What to do?

Does the Wise Counselor give up? Of course not! He implements:

Second line of defense: Distraction Strategy.

The Distraction Strategy includes some or all of the following tactics:

• Drawing a bath for her.
• Handing her a book, catalog or magazine (not, however, the kind that make her feel inadequate - those rags filled with toothpick-thin models and diet info are counterproductive to his goal of keeping her happy).
• Brushing her teeth.
• Calling or e-mailing her friends and relatives for some distracting gossip.
• Sending her on a shopping errand with a specific goal in mind.
• Taking her for a drive or a walk, making sure to take any cash or credit cards out of her purse so she can't easily obtain any Uh-Ohs.
• Touring her through an art gallery, garden or museum.
• Scheduling a pedicure, manicure, massage or facial. In an emergency (or when the Treasury funds are depleted), he may lay her comfortably on the royal bed with warm teabags or cool cucumber slices over her eyes for some enforced rest.

Does she always obey the dictates of the Wise Counselor? Certainly not; after all, she's the Capricious Goddess - nobody and nothing can rule her. He cajoles, wheedles, and threatens her with dire consequences, but she's in charge. Sometimes she has her Uh-Ohs despite all his efforts. What does he do then?

He just keeps at it. This is where his Wisdom comes in. No counselor can succeed with his Capricious Goddess all the time, and in fact, her power would diminish if she always meekly did as she was told. Her very Capriciousness, her Fury, is part of her Power.

But he has learned this about the Capricious Goddess: She really does understand that he has her best interests at heart. She doesn't want her Godlings to grow up without their mother, or her Royal Consort to find another Goddess partner. She wants to return to her full power, not stay fat and unattractive and bitchy.

So after she has Uh-Ohs, she feels guilty and abashed. And right then, the Wise Counselor steps in, and reassures her. "You are our Beautiful Goddess and We All Love You. You've come so far, done so well! It's just a small slip. Nothing at all. Won't make a bit of difference. Let's go for a walk, and it will be as if it *never happened.*

And he gets her right back in line. She feels better. The world smiles. And they all live happily ever after.

Turkey Day Challenge

If you haven't checked out the Weight Watchers Message Boards, you're missing out on a great source of sympathy, motivation and ideas.

I've been participating in a regular thread for writers that's helping me stay focused. Our latest thing: Thanksgiving Challenge.

It's simple: "Fatten" a virtual turkey by losing weight before Thanksgiving. It's on the honor system, but we report in our progress (or lack thereof). My own goal is 20 pounds - ambitious, but do-able. Dawn had the amazingly good idea of making an actual handprint turkey (yes, like in kindergarten) and adding a feather for each pound lost. Here's a photo of my turkey:

Matt helped me trace my hand and drew the beak for me. A neighbor kid drew the feet; we all had a good time crayoning and cutting out the feathers. Matt christened her "Ham." He's funny with words that way. It'll help me remember that I'm hoping to have smaller "hams" myself come TG.

Ham now lives on the fridge, right at eye level, to intercept me and encourage a good, goal-directed decision. Fatten the turkey! it says, and the neighbor boy added "Please don't eat me!" so I suppose I'll have to release her to the wild the Friday after Thanksgiving.

Thanks to the Core plan, I'm refocused and have lost 5 pounds already - so you see the five feathers already affixed with tape, and the remaining 15 (yes, I only made 20 - I'm not that much of an optimist) on the floor, waiting to be earned and ceremoniously added.

Wish me luck!